Michigan Firm Gets In On Carbon Offset Opportunity.

Naubinway, MI – AP

Hull Farley, a noted timber entrepreneur received the first of four quarterly payments from Florida based Amalgamated Clonglomerations this month for $350.00. This payment represents AC’s commitment to reducing CO2 remissions into the atmosphere. The purchase was for a carbon credit to offset 1,275,000 metric tons of CO2 the company expects to pump into the ozone this year, as well as 450,000 tons of H2SO4, and 200,000 tons of unidentifiable emissions.

“We feel we have the responsibility to pay SOMEONE for the damage our operation causes to the planet, and now we can go forward with expansion plans and a clear conscience” said CEO of AC Harley Adagosby. “I couldnt pass up this deal.” Adagosby said, adding he had searched other carbon credit firms with Farley’s operation being the least expensive alternative.

Farley was asked how the carbon offset work, and he explained he will be planting more trees on property he and his family own in the upper peninsula of Michigan. When asked if he could possibly plant enough trees to completely offset the process, he replied “Of course I have to cut down a few trees to make room for the ones I am going to plant, but if I do run out of space for trees, I can always use my closet full of chia pets to complete the offset process. ” Farley also mentioned a water wheel he could repair on a local stream, and a windmill “that only needs a generator installed” that was used as a pump 50 years ago.

The Farley family is all behind this patriarch, and have all pledged to adhere to breathing for 18 hours a day based on the business plan, and Even Farley’s wife has said “and if I DO BREATHE, I’ll make sure it is directly on a plant.” – Staff