Bernero Stumps For Snyder

The “MSM” told you that Virge Bernero party crashed a Rick Snyder event because he wanted to address a debate schedule issue with the Republican Nominee. An undercover reporter for MTTM has revealed the true reason for his visit.

In an odd twist of politics, Gubernatorial candidate Virg Bernero gave up his bowling night to help the struggling campaign of Rick Snyder, his opponent.  Snyder who commands merely a 20 point polling lead over the normally combative mayor of Lansing welcomed Mr Bernero to the stage at the Rick Snyder town hall event, giving him an opportunity to address the supporters of Snyder’s.  Snyder was originally surprised by the visit, and had a bit of a “whats up Virgie?” moment, but Bernero’s insistence paid off.  Bernero opened by saying:

“Look.. I’m Rick’s biggest fan…  I ah.. Just want you to know that, um.. if I wasn’t running, it would be ALL Rick.. All the way.  You know?  I mean.. THIS is the guy who can actually make a difference in this state.  It pains me to see the ads my Democrat brethren are putting out there on my behalf.  I just got no control.. you know what I mean?”

Bernero then went on to explain that he secretly wants to be a Republican, and that outside of this venue he would have to maintain a “tough-as-nails” posture to keep what some refer to as his “meal ticket” happy.  He says it kills him to have to act the way he does, but it is more like a survival mode:

“People just don’t understand how hard it is to be the bully.. But sometimes you gotta play the part God chooses for ya.. umm ya know?  And its not like I got much of a choice see?  I mean with all that money floating around in government, and those guys that .. you know ..come by the house and all..  they say all I gotta do is to shut up, but they don’t get it..  I mean.. I WANT Rick to win! “

Continuing:

“The more I talk the better the difference is, and you know a 20 point lead ain’t nothin with all of the fickle voters out there.  This is just a sure fire way to make sure it happens with a 30 or 40 point wallop  I mean are you kidding me?  Virg Bernero.. governor?  I mean I can barely get this stupid red tie wrapped around my freakin neck in 2 hours without help.”

Indeed, Rick gladly offered the Mic to Bernero for his opportunity to help the Snyder campaign get the bigger numbers.  An offer not lost on Bernero who missed no opportunity at total and complete humility:

“You guys all heard me tell Skubick that I lost count on the number of LT Governor picks that rejected me right?  Here is the kicker.. I really did.  I mean.. I don’t even think I can count that high.  We went though like ..what 13 or 14 entire locals before Brenda lost a bet and was forced on to my team.. I mean its that bad.”

Obviously, Mr. Bernero was preaching his respect for “the nerd” in a to-the-choir fashion, but he promised he would do all he could to help Rick’s effort in securing the Governor’s seat.  He offered a bit of a caution though:

“If we ever get cornered into a REAL debate by these hairballs in the media, make sure they don’t start asking me a question I DON’T know the answer to.  If asked, I MAY get it right.   I mean even a broken clock is right twice a day right? That would be bad.. very bad.  In fact.. Just make sure the weather is unmanageable, or the car taking me to the thing is broke, or have Lansing burn for all I care..   just get us through this campaign season with me wailing like a dang tomcat about how unfair it is to not have a debate, and you have your lock.

Oh and if someone asks.. I didn’t say any of this.. and don’t you forget it either.”

Mums the word.  Snyder thanked him for coming, and said:

“feel free to be yourself, cause we all appreciate you and have hands extended outward to accept you as you are..”

The crowd, a bit taken aback at the unexpected event, was initially silent at all of this, but then realized that giving Virg all the rope he wanted was absolutely the best plan of action and murmured its approval.

7 comments for “Bernero Stumps For Snyder

  1. September 15, 2010 at 6:20 am

    I’m not a big fan of Snyder. But, if Bernero wins… Michigan will have on from bad, Granholm to worse.

  2. September 15, 2010 at 9:39 am

    WTF is this?

    • JGillman
      September 15, 2010 at 10:10 am

      Creative License.

      • September 15, 2010 at 10:40 am

        BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

        but…but…but its believable.

        ;{P>

  3. KG-1
    September 15, 2010 at 10:05 am

    Stacey Mathia would’ve stomped a mudhole into both of ’em.

  4. CF
    October 28, 2010 at 8:32 am

    This is ridiculous. You should make it more clear that this is just creative writing. I am leaning more towards Snyder however, I think this is unfair.

    • JGillman
      October 28, 2010 at 12:00 pm

      heh.. If it isn’t very clear for as wild as it is, doesn’t that say something?

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