I know you’ve been busy, but I have something I have to get off my chest. Well, I’ll just come out and say it: I dont think I love you anymore. Ohh I dont know, maybe its not that, but, well.. You seem “different.” The messages I seem to be picking up, are that you arent like the man I knew, the “maverick,” the “tough guy” who couldnt be railroaded into giving into his friends for, well I’m just not sure.
Ive been keeping house, and the kids are all pretty healthy, but its getting tougher to manage with the cost to heat this old shack, and well they keep coming to collect the rent John. Well, not the rent, but the money I had saved for the rent. They say they are your friends. They say that you sent them, so I don’t know what to believe anymore. You promised you wouldn’t send them John. Now they are here and they wont leave.
I think we need a trial separation John. I think we need some time apart, so I can sort out all the feelings that have gone through my head in the last couple of months in your travels. Maybe you can sort your feelings out as well. Maybe you can see where you have had a hand in the damage to our relationship. I hope you will. I feel pretty lonely you know.
No, you don’t have to worry about that “other guy,” you know.. That guy who is all slick and polished. Don’t you worry, he isn’t HALF the man you are. All words, and I’m not interested. But John? John I just have to say I am disappointed in the way you’ve been carrying on as if you lost your direction. I sometime close my eyes, and think, “maybe its a bad dream.” I sometimes imagine you are here and the laughter echoing across the country as we all cheer and celebrate our freedom! And then the bell rings and I remember where I am at, and where YOU are at. Sigh.
I’ll still be looking out for you. I’ll still be hoping to see you look my way when passing through, but I dont know if I can kid myself too long, and maybe my hope you will become the man you were or ..I thought you were. The last thing you did, maybe you didnt mean it? I dont know John. Did you really mean it? It is really important, because if you did, well I’ll have to think real hard. because it isnt flattering, and as you know I’m not easily scared, but you seem to be inviting more of your friends with that action. They ALWAYS leave a mess.
I’ll miss you, but I’ll keep the light on if you change you mind about things.