I have been on unemployment for 2 years now, and they tell me its going to going to come to an end soon. I have tried real hard to find work, but those cheap B^$&*% at Toyota would only offer me $32 and hour and said I would have to pour coffee AND sweep the floor. They just don’t get it. Can you help me? ~ Fishers Body, Lansing
Dear Lansing Stud muffin
No Worries, you won’t have to take those lousy Toyota jobs. Those people have no idea what a good union man is worth anymore. They just can’t understand its not about productivity or profit, but making sure you have a roof over your head, a good RV in the drive, a few months vacation time, and a pension that God himself would envy. How they miss these things is beyond me, but have no fear, as I am working closely with Washington to make sure the new public partnership with Chrysler and GM produces an entirely new entitlement system worthy of a true patriot like yourself. ~ Jenniliscious
My bar business has been suffering horribly since the new smoking ban has gone into effect. Friday nights used to be busy till last call, and the cigar club that used to meet here now gathers up in a barn down the road. What am I supposed to do? My liquor license alone cost me $50,000, and since I laid off 4 employees, my unemployment insurance has skyrocketed. ~ Smoked in Holland
Dear Dutch Boy,
Have you considered hosting brownie troop #2793? I hear they pay their rent in shortbread cookies. I am sure it would go well with your whine. ~ Jen Jen
I made a film in Pontiac, and presented my receipts to the Film office so I could get my “film money”. They just looked at me funny until I showed them my movie. then they had me hauled away and arrested, saying something about [CENSORED] not being allowed. What do I do next? ~ MR Movie Director
Look me up, I’m Free in a few months. ~ Starstruck.