I wish I could fix it..


How can one not become an emotional wreck upon finding that the man who married his daughter is not just a little to the left, but indeed a full blown communist? I have argued the facts, made case by case analysis, and actually thought I was getting through to him.. all the time thinking he was little more than a “dumb kid” with idealistic tendencies. A smart dumb one at that. (if you know what I mean..)

I am at this time truly distraught at this “discovery..”

I threw him out tonight. Thanksgiving.. Family present, daughter objecting to my treatment of him, and now I am possibly losing contact with her, after she and he made the trip to visit for the holiday from Oregon. Doing so in a near apoplectic fit, and raising my voice unfortunately as much as I ever have.. in all likelihood.

In my eyes he is real piece of work.

He hid this from my wife and I.. Saying only that he thought health care was a “right.” I am not a monster.. I know people are under this misconception. At the time where I point-by-point explained the logical consequence of how enforcement of that perceived “RIGHT” relinquishes others of theirs, also questioning him about whether he believes in private property rights, he finally admitted his “permanent position” with three words; “I’m a communist.” Embellishing with “you are not changing my mind..”

As if that statement makes it OK. I reminded him that communism, under Mao for example has killed more than 23 million  (I was wrong.. it was 65 million) didn’t faze him, didn’t matter, not wavering and frankly didn’t care.. drove me over the edge..  My anger and disgust for such an ignorant belief set didn’t allow me to continue on any measure of civil discourse, and he was told to leave, upsetting my wife, my daughter, and I am sure him.. to some extent.

How anyone can ignore the history of the scourge of communism to accept it into their life is beyond me..  unless that is what they want to happen again.

I am saddened beyond imagining as I love my little girl, and as most parents do, want only the best for her.  She will always be welcome in our home.  I am not sure however, that I could ever trust a person like her husband. I know that the relationship between my daughter and I is damaged, and I know it would take a miracle to be able to accept him as a part of the family.

This post is quite personal, but I know there are quite a few out there who “hide” their Marxist belief set.  I believe our president does.  How many others actually are committed communists?  And at what point do those radically wrong belief sets conflict with those of our founders as stated in our constitution.

I need advice.  I have never asked for help in this way.  I am already praying for some form of insight.

9 comments for “I wish I could fix it..

  1. communist
    November 27, 2009 at 5:11 am

    You’re a raging maniac who has no idea what Marxism is about. You deserved to have your world shook up.

    • jgillman
      November 27, 2009 at 12:01 pm

      Marxism is evil. This is why it has me so upset. Thanks for your “valuable input” advancing the conversation.

  2. November 27, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Sorry about your family situation Mr. Gillman. I suspect that is another reason my wife and I did not have children. I have had similar situations with my wifes family members and over the years we have agreed to just not discuss politics. These people are still blaming John Engler for their problems! I recall one event when a relative tried to get me started and I told him that there is no sense discussing anything with someone that cannot accept the facts and he proceeded to argue, for 2 hours over what a fact was. He eventually got frustrated and began to leave when I thanked him for proving my point, he spent another 20 minutes arguing that he did not do so!
    Since then I have developed a strategy for diffusing the situation when someone wants to discuss politics. I ask the 2 questions and if they can answer them I will continue the conversation. 1st. question- Wher in the costitution do you find the phrase “seperation of chuch and state” and the 2nd. question- name the 4 branches of government. Many have answered the 1st question but none has figured out the 2nd. Executive , legislative, judicial and the media. I havent had to argue with a liberal since I have developed this concept and most won’t even try.
    Good luck with you and your daughter!
    Chef Brian

  3. Karl Peters
    November 27, 2009 at 11:06 am

    The only truly life-changing experience I have ever seen bear real fruit was encounter with the Holy Spirit and the Gospel. While he may find Grace in an instant, you must understand that even after such an encounter that we can pray for, that he will need much more prayer to stay on track and eventually see new ways to see to others needs than a worldly Communism. Purity before God comes instantly by grace, purity in the day to day life takes longer and a lot of loving support. You must be in the battle for the long term, not for the quick fix. Perhaps quietly showing Christian compassion for others (including him!) that is not forced by a political system, but done from love of humankind, would allow him to see an answer to the injustices of the world that surpasses the “equality” of Communism. The trick is, we must exhibit this love, even to him, for it to be properly witnessed. I will add you to our prayers toward this end. Keep in touch by private mail if you so choose.

  4. Anna
    November 27, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    It is difficult enough losing friends over things like this, but family…
    I think the best thing to do is keep in contact. Don’t sever the ties yet, for the sake of your daughter.
    Try to get him to meet with you, for the sake of your mutual love for your daughter. Get him to meet and discuss this issue.
    Try to find the root cause for his being a communist. Why does he think he’s a communist? Why does he want to be one? What is it that he puts his faith in? Everyone has faith in something: themselves, government, mankind, science, etc. What we put our faith in effects our view on politics, relationships, science.. it effects our life-perspective. Does he think more government is the answer to life’s problems? Why? How can it fix the problems? Make him defend his position. Hash it out. Try to be civil. But at the same time, urgent. Let him know your concern for the happiness of your daughter. You want to resolve this for her sake. (Resolve it without you compromising your principals, of course.)
    I hope that helps some.
    I’ll be praying for you and your family.

  5. November 27, 2009 at 2:01 pm


    Sorry to hear this and sorrier to have no useful advice.

    I don’t know what I would do, but I am pretty certain my reaction would be like yours.

    The good news, excepting a Lenin-like sociopathy, would be that he actually cannot know what communism is, and could someday have an epiphany. The bad news is he presently rejects the possibility. I think Anna is right in that maybe that could change in time if some connection can be maintained.

  6. jgillman
    November 27, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Today, I have had a chance to talk with the both of them. My daughter is as strong as I had hoped and would not allow my “rage” to overcome our relationship.

    A night’s sleep also allowed me to keep a level head enough for him to clarify his positions to a more understandable point. It also allowed me to put some things in perspective as well.

    I should note my emotional state last night was not one, where it would be easy to accept the certain nuances he has forwarded today, but like the shock of the first step into cold water when swimming, I can at least now though with due concern remain civil.

    Perhaps as Duane suggests, the epiphany could happen. Nothing would make me happier. In the meantime, as for the family, prayers WERE answered. Thank you all.

  7. November 29, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    People make mistakes, and many of the young out there are indeed communists. I see them every day in my class, and know that no amount of yelling at them will change their mind. The best thing to do is be patient and teach them. Induldge their little arguments and gently prod them down the path. If they argue that healthcare is a right, ask them to explain how it is a right. Ask to see the evidence. Make them read. If they only read one side, tell them that isn’t enough for you, they need to know both sides and then know why their side is right. Encourage them to read the side of right. I’m a conservative because it is the logically and morally correct position to have, not because I choose it or really even like it- it’s just the real view of the world, that’s all.

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